Parties, cheap women, cheaper wine, Ho-Downs, more women, fast cars, slow days, flying monkeys serving us drinks, and more of that delicious panda meat. From now on TFS is playing in the big league. Well, not the big league exactly. The middle league, maybe. Well, the minor league. Okay, admitted, we still operate in the same dirty ol’ gutter hole that we used to. But hey, at least there’s money to be found (look for the bearded guys with coffee paper cups kneeling on the board walk – that’s us).
To put it all in perspective: The Fruit Stand has rid itself of its last shred of morals, betrayed its country and fans, and sold out to the mighty, mighty Flight1 Corporation. Their new Ultimate Traffic II product will use, not to a small part, Craig Ritchie’s models and our paints produced over the last months. We guess you can answer the ‘why’-question yourself – it’s quick money for us; show us somebody who says we’re not up for quick money, and we’ll show you a liar.
So to help you over this first shock, we took the liberty of presenting you with the conversation we’re going to have more than once. Saves us all some time.
Angry freeware customer (AFC): WTF?! Seriously, why?!
The Fruit Stand’s Official Executive Vice Press Secretary in spé (TFSOEVPSIS): Models and paints turn into money → turns into food and booze for us → turns into happiness for us → turns into extensive drug use for us → turns again into happiness for us → turns into more models and paints. It’s also called the Circle of Life.
AFC: Still, WTF! I feel betrayed. I’ve been so extremely loyal to you over the last years. I’ve taken everything you made without even giving you the hassle of flooding you with Thank-You-Notes-That-Smell-Like-Fresh-Babies-With-A-Scent-Of-Red-Roses!
TFSOEVPSIS: Believe me, that we know! We’re so sorry.
AFC: So just to state the obvious once more: you sick SOBs sold out and betrayed us. US! Everything you ever stood for is gone, vanished; I don’t know what to believe in anymore.
TFSOEVPSIS: Yes. Exactly.
AFC: …
TFSOEVPSIS: It’s nothing we’re quite proud of … something we’re quite proud of … good for us, because finally, during our semi-monthly dinner parties, Craig won’t feel embarrassed and sorry for himself anymore for being the only one wearing a top hat and a monocle. New protocol demands that everyone attending now wears it. And mustaches. Never forget mustaches!
AFC: So what happens now? No more free stuff for us? And I have to stress this: no more free stuff for us????!!!!!!!!
TFSOEVPSIS: Multiple exclamation marks are a sure sign of a diseased mind.
AFC: I would say I’m sorry, but … didn’t you hear me?! Will we keep getting our free stuff???!!?!
TFSOEVPSIS: We’ll see about that. Depends on if we’re really getting a 51% cut of UT2’s revenue.
AFC: Oh fuck you!
TFSOEVPSIS: And a good day to you, good sir.
AFC: Whow, hold on there just a minute, buster!
TFSOEVPSIS: I said good day!
We’d like to conclude this wonderful broadcast on a very serious note: we gett da munni and da bling, biatchez! If you think anything else is relevant in this matter, you obviously take certain aspects in your life, say this hobby, too seriously.
As a famous Scotsman playing a Brit once said: “What’s the problem? Too good to collect a stranger’s urine?” Exactly. Think about that!