[Majel Barrett]: Last time, on Star Trek: Voyager …*
No, wait, what? Damn remote! Woman, get me some new batteries!
When we left off in July of ’07, Craig was being beaten by a group of bullies for losing his hard drive; Denis finally punched a customer, pow, right in the kisser, for mouthing off; and David took his canoeing fantasy to the next level and dropped it in the backyard swimming pool, rejoicing “just like the real thing”.
Will our heroes find out the truth about the secret files hidden by the NSA? Will they be able to fend off the constant verbal attacks by the Mexican drug cartel they used to do business with? Will John finally tell Betsy-Lue his true feelings and ask her out to go to the prom? Will Jakob finally bring himself to visit his evil twin brother in the hospital, now that he’s married to his best friend’s secret step-mother?
Now now, don’t be anxious, children, you’ll all find out. And in the meantime, don’t masturbate too much, or you won’t be able to see the ending (literally!).
*Disclaimer: I actually love ST:VOY. And if for nothing else, then for Jennifer Lien being extremely hot.