Tales of Interest

5'499'997'993 B.C.
11:47 AM
  Earth is invented.
ca. 200'000 B.C.   With the development of the Homo Sapiens, Earth's inventor, Michael A. Hollenberger of Tulsa, OK, immediately regrets the invention of Earth.
456 A.D.   Greek playwright Aeschylus suddenly and much unwanted dies because of an eagle mistaking his head for a rock and dropping a turtle on it. Stupid turtles!
ca. 795 A.D.   Padmasambhava predicts metal birds that will bring Buddhism to the Western World.
17 August 1546
06:25 PM
  Henry VIII farts for the last known time.
08 April 1935   Indiana Jones loses all but one of the Sacred Stones.
12 November 1967   The 'Hippie Crisis' in Bangladesh awe-strikes us all. Totally unrelated, the term 'The Fruit Stand' is mentioned for the very first time in a secret meeting's declaration.
01 May 2003   The short-lived War in Iraq is officially won by US & coalition troops.
16 August 2006   Development of the TFS Boeing 777-300ER begins.
04 October 2006   Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked. If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?
22 November 2006   The Fruit Stand rises, much like Phoenix, out of the Ashes of Sodom and Tai Peh.
24 December 2006   Denis Schranz gets his much valued tricycle for Christmas.
27 December 2006   A butterfly in Southern Argentina gets killed by an 8-year old local boy. This won't impact Vladivostok's weather on 28 July 2011 at all.
01 January 2007   Arnaud Solvay has a huge ... hangover.
09 January 2007   TFS's first model, the Boeing 777-300ER, is released into the wanting hands of the public.
18 January 2007   Mysteriously, Tony Fosler's GPS brain implant was deactivated for four and a half hours.
21 January 2007   Development of the TFS Boeing 777-200 and -300 begins.
22 January 2007
09:04 AM
  No snow yet.
23 January 2007   The TFS Boeing 777-200LR is released to the public. At the official release party, Craig is drunk.
30 March 2007   The TFS Boeing 777-200 and -300 are released to the public.
15 April 2007   A repaint has been requested. This is now commonly seen as the most stupid mistake ever in mankind's history.
24 April 2007   TFS releases the Boeing 787-800. It goes mostly unnoticed.
03 May 2007   For no apparent reason, the Mavs do not advance to the Conference Semi-Finals, not to speak of the Finals.
05 June 2007   Jesús de Rodriguez, local food merchant of Guadalajara, Mexico, files an official lawsuit against TFS for using the term "The Fruits".
10 July 2007   Development on the Airbus A340-500 begins.
12 July 2007   The TFS Airbus A340-500 is released to the public.
15 July 2007   Craig Ritchie's hard drive is destroyed in a fire in Greenland. As always, all data is lost. As a result, the Fruit stock falls to what seems to be a bottomless hole.
03 August 2007   TFS releases that monster of a dick, the Airbus A340-600.
24 August 2007   TFS finally decides to "let go" of Larry Craig. In an interview held at a BDSM-Furdom-Strip-Swinger-Club™ to the sound of "Black Velvet", the TFS team states "you know, Larry just gave the whole simming thingy a bad rep."
19 September 2007   An investigative report, questioning the legality of the European Union’s immense subsidizing of The Fruit Stand is mysteriously lost on the way to the hearing. Totally unrelated, 87% of TFS team members smile like the smug, cheeky bastards that they are.
27 October 2007   TFS releases the Airbus A340-300. Some people can’t deal with it.
30 November 2007
04:37 PM
  If you’ve read until here, you clearly have way too much time on your hands. If you don’t want your children to become total sociopaths when they’re older, go and play with them. Now. They’re secretly waiting.
30 November 2007
04:43 PM
  See, wasn’t that fun? Aah, a job well done. Give yourself a pad on the shoulder. Now you’re home free for the next 27 days. Stupid, needy little rats.
16 December 2007   A major riot breaks out when the TFS team separates into two factions. What is now known as "The worst titled conflict. Ever!", the violent "Eight Day War" lasts for a total of five hours. It is later revealed the spark of the vicious attacks and counter-attacks was the pending decision to watch either "Dancing With The Stars" or "Hannah Montana".
24 December 2007   The Airbus A330-300 is released. TFS is sued for defamation by Airbus and Northwest Airlines for showing an NWA A333 upside down, receiving the open statement "this totally misrepresents our way of flying aircraft. Usually. Mostly. You know... Well, we’re gonna have to look into it at least, hold on a minute … Peeeete, do we tend to fly our planes upside down?"
31 December 2007
11:37 PM
  Obviously having no plans for New Year’s whatsoever, TFS releases the Airbus A330-200.
06 May 2008   In a misty state of haziness, booze, drugs and what used to be Rock'n'Roll, TFS realizes they still exist and there's a site and reputation to be maintained. Development on the Airbus A300 begins.
07 May 2008   Immediate burn-out-syndrome.
08 May 2008   The Airbus A300 is released. The Japanese Knife set advertised turns out to be only a cheap imitation produced in Reno, NV.
15 July 2008
09:47 AM
  God can't find his cigarette lighter. All hell breaks loose. Jesus is grounded for 237 years.
18 August 2008   Boback tells a joke about a priest, a pink elephant, two torn telephone books and a piece of 1986's gum. Hilarity ensues.
29 September 2008   In a seldom act of humility, The Fruit Stand Management thanks some worthless people, making them think they're important to them.
05 October 2008   "Just when you think there’s something stubby coming along, the Swedes prevail. Again."
Old Chinese proverb
19 October 2008
ca. 02:24 PM
  Skeletor invades the newly decorated TFS Headquarters. He can only be calmed by treating him with twenty-six Oreo cookies, and since works as TFS's official spokesperson in his spare time. Long live Panthor!
November 2008
a.k.a. The Month of Hell
  The term "gee whiz" is utterly overused. The TFS HQs are vandalized with "that's not funny anymore" graffiti; and Jakob gets bitch-slapped.
26 November 2008   Donations for TFS were a lot less than hoped initially (close to $5.87 – yes, that's US-Dollar!), so the broken radios couldn't be fixed when the Airbus A310 is released. Also, TFS can't afford any funny text or titles. Sad, sad story, actually.
13 December 2008   Well Frank, I guess David Caruso is ... AWESOME! ♫ Yeeeeaaaah!
26 December 2008   TFS releases Egberta. And no, I do not always have a slick, funny comment. Sometimes it's just business as usual, serious, damn, cold, boring business as usual. Get real, people! And you, yeah you there! No chewing gum!
01 January 2009   One of TFS's team members needs to be bailed out of prison. He's naked, got two playing cards (an Ace and an Eight), three 9V batteries, tiger skin handcuffs, an empty pack of cigarettes and twenty-three cents on him. Guess who it is and win a prize of preposterous dimensions.
Hint: it's Boris. We're talking ‘bout Boris here. Boris.
16 January 2009   Michael A. Hollenberger stands up, takes a look around, sighs, sits down, gets a bottle of Johnny, and still regrets everything. More than ever, actually.
22 January 2009   Only the heroic intervention of Denis by surgically pulling out Craig's vocal chords in mid-air keeps glass from shattering, people from killing themselves, violence from breaking out. Oh, and TFS releases the Bombardier Dash 8-400. True story.
02 March 2009   Whow, what's that, Lassie? Eerie chirps and tumbleweed? 'Attaboy!
04 April 2009   A "very worthwhile" project comes to an end when The Fruit Stand releases the Saab 100, along with as many as three repaints.
19 April 2009   Ben Franklin once pleasured six women at once. Take that, Newton!
01 May 2009   "Panda meat, I tell ya. It's the new 'fish & chips', you hear?!" TFS releases the Bombardier Dash 8-300. To some dismay, some might add.
09 May 2009   An old, grey-bearded man is killed in Lagos. Authorities will need eight months to figure out he was a whacko prophet with an even whackier following.
15 June 2009   Federico's birthday party doesn't go as expected. To add to the confusion, he rides the stripper, and the pony jumps out of the cake. Still, he seems pleased.